Wednesday, October 6, 2010

bus ride to the 3rd temple

Personal experience.
1991, several days before Pesach, several weeks after the end of the 1st gulf war.

I boarded a bus in Haifa towards Jerusalem,  in order to take care of some urgent errands.
The only vacant seats were the last 2 rows.
I opted for the row before the last, sat down and made myself comfortable.
Immediately afterwards, the last row was filled up, and the bus departed en-route to Jerusalem.

Shortly into the ride, It became clear that directly behind me were sitting 2 US marines. Right next to them sat a (secular) Israeli soldier, and they struck up a conversation.

The marines served in the Persian Gulf during the Gulf war, and were now on the way back to the U.S. Their carrier docked in the Haifa bay on the way, and these lucky soldiers got a day off, which they decided to spend in Jerusalem.

It was a fascinating conversation.

Here are some excerpts;

"We've been through the whole middle east. It's one big desert. All dead. No trees. nothings. Well, there was several trees in Somalia (they stopped there to rescue some Americans, after an Army coupe), but not that much, and that's Africa - not the middle east.
Here in Israel - it's so different. It's beautiful. Everything is blooming.
I guess that's what happens when you take the Holy land and give it to the Chosen people."
...
"In 1967, When you conquered Jerusalem, why didn't you rebuild the 3rd temple?"
...
"When is the feast of tabernacles?"
...
It seemed that they had more knowledge about Jews, Jewish tradition & Tanach then the Israeli soldier.

~~~~~

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Zemirot DataBase

Just happened upon this one today:

Lyrics of many Zemiros, as well as some recordings.
Some recordings sound like me, which is not so great...

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

firefox used to crash daily

Firefox used to crash daily on me.

I tried everything.
cleared system memory.
uninstalled unused addons.
I finally solved the problem.

I installed google chrome!

No more firefox crashes for me!

caveat emptor (or - to keep even): The first time I installed google chrome - chrome crashed on me!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Welcome your truth

Yes, that's how Google Translates Baruch Dayan HaEmes...
From Yiddish to English.
Try it yourself...

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Laundering money

Talk about laundering money. I was personally involved in a money laundering scheme several years ago.

Well... quite...

A while ago I wrote out a check  for a joint project we were involved in, and gave it to a neighbor of mine.

Several weeks went by, and every so often I would check my bank account, only to be surprised that the check has not been cashed yet.

Finally, 2 months later I ran into Moshe.

"What happened to the check? Why didn't you cash it?" I asked.

"I laundered it" said Moshe.

"You did what?!"

"I laundered the money", exclaimed Moshe sheepishly. 

"The check was in my pocket, and I mistakenly put it in the laundry..."

:-)

(I was nice enough to reimburse him and replace the missing check.)


Collecting Tzedoka During Davening

I couldn't have said it better:

I hope I'm not sinning, but I don't give to anyone who comes during Shma, or between shel Yad & shel Rosh.

And not to anyone who has the chutzpa  to talk to me during davening.

I'm talking to Hashem! Please respect!

(My Kavona might not be the best, but you're sure not helping by interrupting...)


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Twas the night of the Geulah

a golden oldy...

MOSHIACH'S HAT

written for Purim by Rabbi Yitzchak Feigenbaum

"Twas the night of the Geulah, - And in every single Shtiebel. Sounds of the Torah could be heard coming from every kind of Yeedel.

This one in English Some in Hebrew, some in Yiddish. Some saying Pshat And some saying a Chiddish. And up in Shamayim The Aibishter decreed: "The time has come for My Children to be freed."

"Rouse the Moshiach From his heavenly berth. Have him get in his chariot, And head down to earth." The Moshiach got dressed And with a heart full of glee, Went down to earth and entered The first Shtiebel he did see.

"I am the Moshiach! Hashem has heard your plea! Your Geulah has come! It's time to go free!" They all stopped their learning; This was quite a surprise. And they looked at him carefully, With piercing sharp eyes.

"He's not the Moshiach!" Said one with a grin, "Just look at his hat, At the pinches and brim!" "That's right!" cried another With a grimace and frown, "Whoever heard of Moshiach With a brim that's turned down?"

"Well," thought Moshiach, "If this is the rule, I'll turn my brim up Before I go to the next shul." So he walked right on over To the next shul in town. Sure to be accepted, Since his brim was no longer down. "I'm the Moshiach!" he cried, As he began to enter, But the Jews wanted to know first If he was Left, Right, or Center.

"You're clothes are so black!" They cried out in fright. "You can't be Moshiach You're much too far right!" "If you want to be Moshiach, You must be properly outfitted." So they replaced his black hat with a kippah that was knitted. Wearing his new Kippah, Moshiach went out and said: "No difference to me what I wear on my head."

So he went to the next shul, For his mission was dear, But he was getting frustrated with the Yidden down here. "I'm the Moshiach!" he cried, And they all stopped to stare, And a complete eerie stillness filled up the air.

"You're the Moshiach?! just imagine that! Whoever heard of Moshiach - without a black hat?!" "But I do have a hat!" the Moshiach then said. So he pulled it right out and plunked it down on his head.

The shul started laughing, And one said: "where's your kop?" You can't have a Moshiach With a brim that's turned up!" "If you want to be Moshiach And be accepted in this town, Put some pinches in your hat And turn that brim down!"

Moshiach walked out and said: "I guess my time hasn't come. I'll just have to return to where I came from." So he went to his chariot, But as he began to enter, All sort of Jews appeared From the Left, Right, and Center.

"Please wait - do not leave. It's all their fault!" they said, And they pointed to each other And to what was on each other's head. Moshiach just looked sad And said, "you don't understand."

And then started up his chariot to get out of this land. "Yes, it's very wonderful That you all learn Torah, But you seem to have forgotten a crucial part of our Mesorah.

"What does he mean?" "what's he talked about?" And they all looked bewildered, And all began to shout. Moshiach looked back and answered, "The first place to start, Is to shut up your mouths and open up your hearts. "To each of you, certain Yidden Seem too frum or too frei, But all yidden are beloved In the Aibishter's eye."

And on his way up he shouted: "If you want me to come, Try working a little harder On some Ahavat Chinam!"

Not a Dibuk!

Rav Sternbuch, Gaavad of the Eidah came out stating what many of else felt all the time:

The Brazilian guy who came here to have a dibuk removed - just needs to see a Psychiatrist.

Read the full article (in Hebrew) over here:
http://www.bhol.co.il/news_read.asp?id=14638&cat_id=2#



Friday, January 1, 2010

How do you say HELP in Hebrew?

I happened upon this add for the dictionary.com automatic translator.

HELP is translated into הרזע...

I don't think I'll be using this product... :-)